THROUGH COMPASSIONATE LOVE TO THE TRANSCENDENCE: A PSYCHO-SPIRITUAL STUDY
COMPASSIONATE LOVE: PSYCHOLOGICAL PERSPECTIVE
INTRODUCTION
There is nothing in
our lifetime has ever affected the whole world as radically as this virus
COVID-19. Whole countries have shut down, virtually all schools and colleges
have sent their students home and are offering classes online, we are
discouraged from going out of our houses and from inviting others into them,
and we’ve in a season that no generation has had to undergo. Furthermore, we
don’t foresee an end soon to this situation. Hence, like the inhabitants on
Noah’s Arch, we’re locked in and don’t know when the flood waters will recede
and let us return to our normal lives. Everything is quarantined. Love can
never be quarantined. While writing this paper, keeping in mind what is going on
around the world today, my theme on ‘Compassionate Love’ confronts me. I am,
being a Christian and above all a religious need to widen by sphere of concern
and take a compassionate view on the current situation.
Human beings have
several psychological needs, such as need for security, need to love and to be
loved, need to belong, need to recognition, creativity, rest, recreation, etc.
if these needs aremet reasonably, there is psychological calm and equilibrium.[1]
Nicholas Butler, a former president of Columbia University, said, “There are
three kinds of people in the world; those who don’t know what is happening,
those who watch what is happening, and those who make things happen.”[2]Compassionate
persons are the one who make things happen.
The specific theme of
compassionate love is particularly important and relevant for us today’s phenomena.
The ability to have the freedom to make things happen through compassionate act
is the need of the hour. Compassionate love is a wonderful virtue. It is a
spiritual fountain from which flow all the other virtues.[3]In
fact, God’s favourite home, we must feel proud and glad to know, is a loving
and compassionate human heart. Hence, this compassionate heart is the unifying
forces within each one of us.
In this first chapter,
I try to bring out the important aspects of compassionate love from
psychological perspective by stressing on the various teachings of humanistic
psychologists particularly, Abraham Maslow, Carl Roger and Rollo May. The relevance of compassionate love is given
in detail from humanistic perspectives as a means for human development.After an
Etymological and terminological clarifications of compassion and love,a humble
attempt is made to interpret agape, found both in OT and NT, as
‘transcendent love’ after having made a psychological survey of the concept of
‘Compassionate love,’ with the aid of the humanistic psychologists.
1.1 General Understanding of Compassionate Love
What is God to us?
There is only one answer that survives all theories which we carry to the
grave. “He is full of compassion…. Only one attribute is reserved for God: He
alone is called in the Bible rahumthe Merciful One.”[4]Meister Eckhart says that You may
call God love; you may call God goodness; but the best name for God is
compassion. Compassion thereafter becomes a quality.[5]Rightly did the Dalai Lama say: “Compassion and
love are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive.”[6]
A life centered on
compassionate love radically reshapes our character and changes our
perspectives, turning us as much as possible from a life built around our own
needs to one built around the needs of others. Compassionate love is that
divine quality which, when vibrated in us, would enable us to share deeply in
the sufferings and needs of others. Event of being touched by the vulnerable,
injured and ‘naked face of the Other’, would invite us to mature in a love that
becomes compassion, concern and care for one another.[7]Rightly
did Mother Teresa say “… it is not how much we do but how much love we put in
that action.”[8]
The real motivation
behind compassionate love is to alleviate and prevent suffering and contribute
to the betterment of others. The purpose of compassionate love is not to
transcend difficulties but to be with our fellow beings. Compassionate love
provokes the people to go out our way to help the physical, mental, or
emotional pains of another. The key to compassionate love is tuning into the nature
of suffering, to understand it in the depths of our being, and to see clearly
into its source; but equally important is to be committed to relieve it and to
rejoice in the possibility of the alleviation of suffering for all.[9]
Today we need to bring the Gospel of life and
compassionate love to the heart of every man and woman and to make it penetrate
every part of society.[10]
“We must care for the other as a person for whom God has made us responsible…We
need to show care for all life and for the life of everyone. Indeed, at even
deeper level, we need to go to the very roots of life and love.”[11]
The commandment of Christian love and the need for compassion are rooted in the
sound Christian moral principles based on the Teachings of the Magisterium.
Christian norms are an expression of compassionate love. True compassion leads
to sharing another’s pain.[12]
As Pope John Paul II’s
Encyclical Letter Evangelium Vitae beautifully tells us that “the life
of a Christian involves an absolute imperative to respect, love and promote the
life of every brother and sister, in accordance with the requirements of God’s
bountiful love in Jesus Christ…We are asked to love and honour the life of
every man and woman and to work with perseverance and courage so that our
time…may at last witness the establishment of a new culture of life, the fruit
of the culture of truth and of love.”[13]
Pope Benedict unceasingly spoke of the need of our times to promote a culture
of life. Pope Francis has repeatedly insisted on the element of compassionate
love as being the heart of all Christ’s teaching. We are the living sparks of a
compassionate Love of God; we are more compassion than our nerves can bear. How
can we remain deaf to the throb of this compassionate love of God that is
subtly echoed in the core of our being? An intense experience of the depth and
richness of this compassionate love in the solitude will ignite the divine
spark of compassionate love to lead a passionate life that calls for
compassionate love.
1.2 Etymology of Compassion
The origins of the word
‘compassion’ comes from the Latin root word pati/passio means ‘to suffer
with.’ In Greek patheiameaning to ‘bear/suffer’ and theverb splangchnizomai‘be
moved with compassion’ comes from a word referring to the abdominal organs.
It means that one is moved to the very depths of one’s being.Compassion is thus
related in origin, form and meaning to the English noun patient (one who
suffers), from patiens, present participle of the same patior, and is
akin to the Greek verb (paskhein, to suffer) and to its cognate noun pathos.[14]
The Hebrew word rahamis
often translated as ‘compassion’. It comes from the word for womb. To
have compassion is to feel the life of another person, in a similar way to a
mother’s feeling for the child in her womb. In the biblical tradition,
compassion is about feeling the anguish of another and responding in order to
lessen suffering and to increase blessing. Compassion is related to mercy,
provision, restoration, liberation, and good fortune. It involves enhancing
personal dignity and helping people find their truest freedom.[15]
1.3 Love in Greek Terminology
In the classical Greek,
especially in Plato’s Symposium,[16]
there are two terms for love. there are eros and philia. Eros is
based on strong feelings toward another. It usually occurs in the first stages
of a man-woman relationship. It is based more on physical traits. For example,
when a man says he has ‘fallen in love’ with a woman because ‘she looked like
angel.’ Or, when a woman ‘falls in love’ with a man, because he is intelligent
and he has good breeding, etc. it is based more on self-benefit, on what can
benefit oneself rather than the other person. When one person doesn’t feel
happy anymore in loving the other person, she/he is led to believe that she/he
has fallen out of love.
Philia is love based on friendship between two persons. Undoubtedly,
friendship is the foundation of a successful relationship. This is true whether
it is marriage, relationship between family members, relationship with
co-worker’s employer, etc. This is in contrast to a man-woman romantic
relationship which starts out by eros. With eros, one sees only
each other’s strengths/good side, everything is rosy. Philia is based on
“give-and-take,” where two people enrich each other in a mutual relationship.
One partner is still concerned with what she/he can take, but at the same time
is also concerned with her/his partner’s benefit and therefore gives back in
return. It is a higher type of love than eros. Philia is a
mutual, “give-and-take” relationship, while eros is a self-based form of
love that is more concerned with self-benefit.
There is also a third Greek term ‘agape’,
“which occurs rather infrequently in Greek usage”[17][of
course, the verb agapao=’to love’ was common in classical Greek[18]],
occurred in the Septuagint (LXX) borrowed from the popular Egyptian dialect. It
is love above philia and eros. It is a love that is totally
selfless, where a person gives out love to another person even if this act does
not benefit her/her in any way. Whether the love given is returned or not, the
person continues to love even without any self-benefit. Say, for instance, one
helps another person, even though that person hates her/her. Or one takes
insults from one’s partner without hitting back, all the while forgiving and
praying for the partner to amend her/his ways. God is portrayed throughout the
Bible as a loving God. In an attempt to study this agape love as
compassionate love over against other idea of love, many scholars have failed
to explore sufficiently the wide spectrum of expressions of love in various
field and to capitalize on their connection.[19]
1.4 Background for the Use of the Term Compassionate Love
The term “compassionate love” first emerged in
the context of scientific research at a meeting of the World Health
Organization. A group was composed of people from all over the world, from
multiple religious and nonreligious backgrounds. The was considerable
discussion of the appropriate wording for this aspect. The Buddhists were not
happy with the word ‘love’ but wanted ‘compassion’ to be used, which for them
fit the concept. The Muslims in the group (from Indonesia, India and Turkey)
were adamant that compassion was too cold and that love needed to there as it
brought in the feeling of love, the element of affect. Finally, compassionate
love was the compromise phrase arrived at to portray this aspect of quality of
life. Altruistic love was a close second. Compassionate love captures both
aspects, addressing human suffering but can also express positive feelings.
Hence, compassionate love is the perfect word and common language in our search
of transcendence to move forward.
1.5Description of Compassionate Love
Compassionate love is that kind of love that
centers on the good of the other. It is a caring love which has a weight, a
nourishing quality. In giving this kind of other-centered love one tries to
truly understand and accept the conditions other in order to enable him/her to
become more fully alive. ‘Altruistic love,’ ‘unconditional love,’ and ‘agape’
are other terms sometimes used to describe this kind of love as it not
identical with romantic love.[20]There
is a multiple understanding of altruism, here compassionate love as described
stretches beyond altruism as we often think of it. Compassionate love is richer
conceptually than altruism. An altruistic act may be done merely from habit or
natural inclination or a sense of duty or to engender obligation. A true act of
compassionate love involves more cognition, more freedom, more explicit
choosing than mere altruism would imply.[21]
Compassionate love includes both the attitudes
and actions related to giving of self for the good of the other. Compassionate
love is not synonymous with empathy, attachment, or bonging, but can relate to
these. The word ‘compassion’ alone is not a synonym, as it might imply a focus
limited to those who are suffering, and it can imply detachment, whereas
compassionate love implies some degree of emotional engagement as appropriate,
and also emphasizes the enhancement of human flourishing.[22]
To appropriate the depth and complexity of the term, a number of qualities were
attributed to compassionate love to be present.[23]Some
of them are basic elements of compassionate love.
1.6. Basic Elements of Compassionate Love
The basic elements of Compassionate
love arerooted in the experience of where we become aware of being drawn beyond
ourselves towards others. It motivates to move beyond ourselves in order to
care and support the lives of others. This type of love that makes important
contributions, sacrifice of the self for the sake of others, to increase the
quality of life of an individual harmony between cultures and beliefs in
society. Compassion is born within the depths of our being. It arises as a deep
stirring beneath the mud of our everyday mind. Compassionate love is an
attitude it supports the receiver and the giver.[24]
Let us look at some of the basic elements of compassionate love.
1.6.1 Compassionate Love is Collective
Compassionate love to be effective, has to be collective or
community in nature. When we dream alone it is only dream, but when we dream
together it becomes a reality. It is all embracing. It is a struggle. But we
need to get there to be effective. It is an antidote for peace and harmony.
Compassionate love is the pan-ultimate. Means the second ultimate after God.This
is the last thing before the last thing.As individuals we are unique, but if
the uniqueness has to be lived meaningfully community is essential. With
compassion humans can promote a sense of wellbeing individually and
collectively. Love impels us towards universal communion. No one can mature or
find fulfilment by withdrawing from others. Therefore, community is an extension
of compassionate love.[25]
1.6.2 Free Choice for the Other
We are the freest people to ever
walk this planet, at least in terms of opportunity. Freedom is a greatest gift
that God has given us. Although we are constrained by biological, social,
environmental and cultural factors, the kind of choice that we make in our
maturity is a key element for compassionate love to be present. What is needed
today is not less freedom but more maturity. That would mean we need raise the
level of our maturity to match the level of our freedom to act in compassionate
love on daily basis. In our free choice with freedom he/she has to make the
deliberate choice to love that touches heart of humanity. To put it in a simple
word compassionate love is instinctual or ingrained response to the child’s
need.[26]
1.6.3 Response of the Heart
Heart
is considered to be the core or sanctuary of one’s being. Whenever we feel
warmth, trust, love and compassion in a relationship, we tend to respond in
compassionate love. Some kind of heartfelt, affective quality is usually part
of kind of attitude when giving compassionate love to another.[27]
1.6.4 Mindfulness
Mindfulness
has a spiritual as well as deep psychological meaning.[28]
Mindfulness in practice is parsimoniously described as attending non-judgmental
to all stimuli in the internal and external environments.[29]
In moments of mindfulness, some mindful qualities come into consciousness.[30]
To list a few: non-judgment, acceptance, patience, openness, letting go,
empathy, gratitude, gentleness, loving kindness, trust and compassion. It is
method of fully embracing other as he/she is. A non-judgmental and
compassionate attitude to all and every phenomenon brings one closer to God’s
own attributes, thus, becoming spiritual without trying to be spiritual. It
promotes social wellbeing. Proper mindfulness practiced develops the view that
a person entitled to become a compassionate love.[31]
1.6.5 Valuing the other at a Fundamental Level
Valuing the other and being
concerned about his situation are two essential components to compassionate
love. When this attitude prevails in us, it manifests itself in the form of
benevolence toward others, and it is translated into an open mindedness and a
willingness to take care of them. when we observe that the other has a
particular need or desire whose satisfaction will enable him to avoid suffering
or to experience well-being, empathy first makes us become aware of this need.
Then, concern for the other gives rise to a desire to help satisfy that need.[32]
It is a caring love which has a weight, a nourishing quality. To be loved when
it is the choice of the other, and at some emotional or physical cost, can make
a special impact. In giving this kind of other-centred love one tries to truly
understand and accept the conditions and state of the recipient in order to
enable the recipient to become more fully alive.
Some degree of respect for the other person is necessary to
articulate love rather than pity in situations of suffering, and to enable one
to visualize potential for enhancing human flourishing. People do not generally
like to be pitied, although help in those circumstances is usually better than
no help at all. To be pitied does not elevate us as human beings. But to
respected in the midst of the imperfections of being human, to be known for who
we are and still valued, enables us to truly flourish. This attitude also
protects the giver from delusions of superiority, which may get in the way of
love being ultimately centred on the good of the other.[33]
Think that everyone you pass is a valuable and important person. But you can’t
just think positively; you have to feel in your heart that everyone you pass is
a valuable person, worthy of respect and appreciation and that every person is
capable of love and compassion.
1.6.6 Compassionate Love in Exodus
The very definition of love exists more than one person.
Unless love is not more than one-person love cannot exist. You cannot love
yourself. If you love yourself it is called narcissism. It is psychological
sickness. And if you love yourself it is called selfishness. Love is opposite
of that. Love is an exodus. I would add one more word love is a painful exodus.
Love is going out to reach out the other but not coming in.It is important to
realize the interdependence of all beings and of the world around us. The
golden rule found in almost identical formulations in all great religious is:
Love others as you love yourself. This exodus is very much possible in
compassionate love.
1.6.7 Compassionate
Love and Pro-Social Relationship Behaviour
Compassionate love is an attitude toward other, either close
others or strangers or all of humanity; containing feelings, cognitions, and
behaviours that are focused on caring, concern, tenderness, and an orientation
toward supporting, helping, and understanding the other, particularly when the
other is perceived to be suffering or in need. Love experienced for strangers,
peripheral ties, or all of humanity is very essential for every one of us as
Human beings and above all as religious.
Compassionate love toward strangers and all of humanity is important to
examine because it leads to pro-social behaviour directed toward others.
Furthermore, the experience of compassionate love for others, including less
fortunate others, with peripheral ties, includes strangers seen often in one’s
environment, as contributing to human development and happiness.[34]
1.6.8 Helpfulness
Helpfulness
is often regarded as manifestation of compassionate love. Even though an
individual may be experiencing compassionate love, there are numerus factors
that may inhibit him or her from acting on those feelings. Furthermore,
helpfulness is only one of many possible outcomes of experiencing compassionate
love. Thus, it appears that compassionate love can predict whether or not one
engages in helpful behaviours. We individually can do something to affect the
people in a very positive way and in a more practical way. We have come to this
world not to be loved, but to love, not get, but to give and to help. It is a
way of reaching out to the needy in compassionate love and being at the service
of human being’s well-being.
Humanistic psychology is applicable
to self-help because it is oriented towards changing the way a person thinks.
One can only improve once they decide to change their ways of thinking about
themselves, once they decide to help themselves. Co-counselling, which is an
approach based purely on self-help, is regarded as coming from humanistic
psychology as well.[35]
1.6.9Care Giving
Compassionate behaviour includes a
wide range of activities and builds up the feeling and commitment of the
compassionate self. Try to do one compassionate act each day, something you
normally wouldn’t do. When you do this act, really focus on your intention and
the feeling of compassion in doing the act. It could be a random act of
kindness such as making a cup of tea for somebody helping a work colleague, spending
quality time with your children, or helping out your next-door neighbour. There
is increasing evidence that developing sensitivity and compassion for others
actually helps us feel better too.[36]
1.6.10 Responsiveness
What is important here is to engage compassionately
with the mud of our own lives as the basis for identifying with the struggles
that others go through. Being willing to turn towards our own pain and our
darker sides and consider them with compassion is the precondition for being
able to relate to others in a similar way. Just as we have mud, so too do other
people have mud, and through understanding and working skilfully with our own,
we are in a position to offer something meaningful to others. When we begin to
work compassionately with the difficult parts of ourselves the angry or
vengeful self, the anxious self, the critical self, and so on we can appreciate
how many other people are struggling in similar ways. They also struggle with
feelings of anxiety and anger, and with destructive fantasies; they also
experience low mood, lack of self-worth, and self-critical thoughts. By opening
up to these difficult experiences in ourselves, we can sense in the depths of
our being what it feels like for others. Our compassion starts to become genuine
and real.[37]
1.6.11 Commitment
Commitment
involves dedicating oneself to a person or a cause. Here it is the ability to
extend others in compassionate love. A commitment obliges us to do something.
It is committing oneself while keeping in mind the deep awareness of the
suffering of the other, coupled with the wish to relieve their suffering. The
trait of sincerity and focused purpose and it is the state of being pledged or
engaged. The fact of experiencing joy in working for the good of others, or of
coming away with unexpected benefits for oneself, does not, in itself, make an
action selfish. Our true commitment always is accompanied by a feeling of
profound satisfaction.
1.6.12 Self-Kindness
We need to have compassion towards oneself as we have
towards others. We need to be gentle and understanding with ourselves rather
than harshly critical and judgmental. Having compassion for oneself meant that
you honour and accept your humanness. Self-compassion entails being warm and
understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate.
Self-compassionate people recognize that being imperfect, failing nature of
others and show a compassionate attitude. The more when one opens the heart to
the reality instead of constantly fighting against it, we will be able to feel
towards self and everyone in the experience of compassionate love.[38]
Human being means that one is mortal, vulnerable and imperfect. Therefore,
self-compassion involves recognizing that suffering and personal inadequacy is
part of the shared human experience something that we all go through rather
than being something that happens to “me” alone. It means feeling
connected with others in the experience of life rather than feeling isolated
and alienated by our suffering.[39]
Self-kindness is a concern for oneself as an individual not
to another person. Love of oneself, is rooted in one’s capacity to love,
affirmation of one’s own life, happiness, growth, freedom. Love for oneself and
love for another are not mutually exclusive. They are inseparably connected.
1.7 Psychological Perspective on Compassionate Love from Humanistic Psychologistspoint of view
In the past, religions
were the point of reference for any morally upright human conduct. Even today,
obviously, they contain noble spiritual ideals to inspire humanity.[40]
Today, to understand the human wholeness we sort the help of different
disciplines which includes psychology. we stand before the task of
re-interpreting compassionate love from a psychological point of view. Hence,
psychology in itself is a vast occasion while trying to appropriate the
compassionate love from psychological perspective, let us limit ourself only to
the humanistic psychologists.
1.7.1 Compassionate Love from Psychological Perspective
Psychology of compassionate love calls on the
one hand, to open up to, engage with, and feel the pain of our experience,
while, on the other hand, we need to draw on the inner resource of our positive
emotional systems to hold, soften, and alleviate this pain. So, the inner ring
of attributes requires us to move toward the things we are anxious about or
avoiding, allowing ourselves to be touched by suffering and learning to
tolerate and understand it. The outer ring is concerned with skills for
building our resources of inner strength and authority, connecting to our
innate wisdom, and cultivating our capacity for warmth and kindness.[41]
There are two distinct “psychologies,” or
mental abilities, that make up compassion: one that helps us to engage with
suffering, to understand it; and another that arises from our skillful actions
and our efforts to alleviate it. It is very true that individuals who
experienced high level of compassionate love experienced a higher increase in
positive mood from giving or receiving help than those who had lesser
experience.[42]
Those who experience high levels of compassionate love had not only more
positive mood enhancement, but also had higher levels of self-awareness,
spirituality, self-esteem, and felt closer to others than those who experience
lower levels of compassionate love.
1.7.2Humanism
The meaning of the term
humanism has fluctuated according to the successive intellectual movements.
Humanism is any thought that gives primacy to the individual and his welfare
beyond culture, religion and beyond anything. Humanism meant the development of
human virtue, in all its forms, to its fullest extent. The term thus implied
not only such qualities as are associated with the modern word humanity
understanding, benevolence, compassion, mercy, but also such more assertive
characteristics as fortitude, judgment, prudence, eloquence, and even love of
honor. Just as action without insight was held to be aimless and barbaric,
insight without was rejected as barren and imperfect. Humanism calls for a fine
balance of action and contemplation, a balance born not of compromise but of
complementarity.[43]
Precisely
what is meant by “human” in the expression “humanistic psychology” has not been
clarified in a way that is acceptable to all of its proponents. As far as I can
determine, at least five meanings of the term “human” are in use. Human is used
(1) in the sense of “humane,” (2) in the sense of the philosophy of humanism,
(3) in the sense of the humanities, (4) in an operational sense (i.e., whatever
humans do), and (5) in the sense of specifying those human characteristics that
differentiate people from other living creatures.[44]
Humanistic psychology aims to be faithful to
the full range of human experience. In the science and profession of
psychology, humanistic psychology seeks to develop systematic and rigorous
methods of studying human beings, and to heal the fragmentary character of
contemporary psychology through an ever more comprehensive and integrative
approach. Humanistic psychologists are particularly sensitive to uniquely human
dimensions, such as experiences of creativity and transcendence, and to the
quality of human welfare. Let us see what is humanistic psychology.
1.7.3 Humanistic Psychology
Once called the “third force” in psychology,
this new school of psychology came into existence as a reaction to both
psychoanalytic theory and behaviorism (the only two schools operating for the
working of psychologists in the early to mid-1900). Humanist psychology gives
more value to the human being by not considering him merely as a sophisticated
machine or the victim of conflict between the ego and id. It considers him as a
purposeful being capable of adapting himself to his environment and choosing his
own course of action in order to achieve the goals which he had selected for
himself. These goals may be as simple as mere satisfaction of a common physical
need or as lofty as the attainment of self-actualization or self-realization.
In such a manner, humanist psychology laid stress on such distinctive human
aspects of personality as the existence of his free will and freedom of choice
and his search for unique goals and values to guide his behavior and to give a
personal meaning to his existence.[45]
1.7.3.1Characteristics of Compassionate Love from Humanistic Psychology
I would argue that in today’s global society, humanistic
psychology is poised to continue to answer the call for a more humane way to
address social concerns such as oppression, injustice, poverty, and issues
around the social dynamics of mental health and illness. Likewise, as
globalization becomes more and more a fact of our reality, the inherent
flexibility of humanistic psychology allows it to seamlessly navigate the
multifarious ways to apply humanistic social action. Here I try to explain the
means of reaching out to the people in compassionate love.
1.7.3.2 Humanistic approach as a Means for Human Development
The most fundamental principle of a
humanistic approach to human development is that each and every individual’s
development is part of a dynamic and meaningfully structured network of
relationships and projects occurring in the life world of day to day affairs.
This network is affected by many levels of functioning, from the molecular to
the historical, all of which constitute the context of development.[46]
Human
development is rooted in being with other people, primordially an embodied
being with the mother. The devoted mother provides the basis for human growth
and development by establishing a co-constituted sense of meaningful being with
her child that transcends the mechanical removal of need tensions. From a
specifically humanistic developmental perspective, healthy human development is
grounded in an existential co-presence that exceeds adaptive ego functioning.
This co-presence provides the raw material for confident, sustained,
undistorted world openness and psychological genuineness. It mobilizes the
developing individual’s creative-productive imagination in the service of achieving
increasingly multifaceted forms of relative personality integration. This is a
narrative process occurring in time with others. Human development is a
situated becoming oneself that is an auto-bio-culture achievement. This view of
human development rests on the assumption that healthy human development is
reliant on a culture context steeped in narratives that lend themselves to
meaningful person integration.[47]
1.7.4 Compassionate Love from Humanistic Psychologists Perspective
A holistic movement within
psychology that emerged in the 1950s in reaction to both behaviorism and
psychoanalysis. It is sometimes called a “third force” within
psychology, referring to an option other than the first force
psychoanalysis of Sigmund Freud and the second force behaviorism of B.
F.Skinner. Humanists criticized the theory of psychoanalysis that the selfish
pursuit of pleasure was the root of all human behavior. They felt that the
behaviorists’ beliefs that all human behavior is the product of environmental
influences reduced people to the status of machines and did not adequately
explain the human experience. Humanists faulted both psychoanalysis
psychologists and behaviorists for viewing human behavior as governed by
factors beyond personal control.
In contrast, humanists emphasized people’s
innate potential and the ability of individuals to determine their own
destinies. The ultimate goal of the humanistic psychologist is to help people
realize their full potential and live up to their abilities.[48]Humanism,
a paradigm that focuses on the human freedom, dignity, and potential. As it
developed, humanistic psychology focused on each individual’s potential and
stressed the importance of growth and self-actualization. The fundamental
belief of humanistic psychology is that people are innately good and that
mental and social problems result from deviations from this natural tendency.[49]
The humanistic perspective on personality emphasizes the individualized
qualities of optimal wellbeing and the use of creative potential to benefit
others, as well as the relational conditions that promote those qualities as
the outcomes of healthy development.
1.7.5 Major Thinkers in Humanistic Psychology
Two of the earliest and
most famous founders of the school of humanism were Abraham Maslow and Carl
Rogers. The other notable figures of this view point have been the
psychologists like Rollo May, Arthur Combs and Gordon Allport.[50]
Due to limitation of pages of my thesis we shall discuss the viewpoints of the
highly influential humanistic thinkers Abraham H. Maslow, Carl Rogers and Rollo
Mayand try to see in their theory’sthe role of compassionate love.
1.7.5.1 A Short Biography(1908-1970)[51]
Abraham H. Maslow, an American
psychologist, has been the major theorist adopting the humanistic approach for
studying human positive potentials. Abraham H. Maslow was born on April 1,
1908, in Brooklyn, New York. His parents were Russian-Jewish immigrants. His
father was a barrel maker. Maslow was the first of seven children. Maslow love
of learning, combined with his tremendous raw intelligence made a brilliant
student. He received a solid training in experimental research from some of the
finest experimental psychologists. He died of a heart attack in 1970.
He brought about another theory of personality highlighting
the need hierarchy. In his theory the stages of personal development are which
individual reach their maximum potential, having peak experiences during which
an individual feel at one with the universe. They feel more spontaneous and
more appreciative of life. They have the ability to take charge of their lives
and foster their own development. Maslow’s holistic theory of human nature was
first unveiled in his theory of human motivation, popularly known as the “need-hierarchy
theory.”
For the sake of proper understanding and clarity we would
like to divide the human needs into two broad categories, namely, Biological
needs and Socio-psychological needs. According to Maslow there is a motivating
force at work. This motivating force must be a compassionate love because love
is creative, effective and transformative. Thus, motivation may be regarded as
something which prompts, compels and energizes an individual to act or behave
in a particular fashion at a particular time for attaining some specific goal
or purpose. Hence culmination of needs leads us to self-actualization will be an
embodiment of compassionate love.[52]
1.7.5.1.1 Abraham H. Maslow
According to his theory human
beings are basically good and there lies in everyone an impulse craving towards
growth or the fulfilments of one’s potentials. The goal is to seek self-actualization.
It does not stop with self-actualization rather it leads to self-transcendence.
Such person will be a compassionate and love. Let us try to see what is the
motivating factor behind his theory. As a result, Genuine love is an expression
of productiveness and implies care, respect, responsiveness, social support.[53]
1.7.5.1.2Social Support
In
the writings of Maslow there is an aspect of social support. In the need
hierarchy to be actualized there has to some sort social support. Fulfilment of
need does not take place in vacuum but in family or society. A tremendous
impact of the society is evident in the growth process of Maslow theory is
self-evident. Social support is generally enacted in a relational context in
which compassionate love would be more highly correlated with the social
support. Compassionate Love enables a person to understand the importance
co-relation of need. When Maslow speaks about different needs to be fulfilled
to become a fully functioning person, he must be intending this social aspect
of support. What motivates social support is compassionate love.
1.7.5.1.3Motivation Theory
Maslow
first published his new outlook on human nature and growth in “A Theory of
Human Motivation” in 1943.[54] I
wish to summarize the main concepts which are fundamental to a comprehensive
theory of human motivation as follows: (1) A sound motivation theory should be based
on the concept that an organism is an integrated whole. (2) The somatically
based drives, such as the hunger drive, have to be considered not typical in
human motivation. (3) A wholesome motivation theory should centre itself on the
basic and ultimate goals rather than partial and superficial one’s, upon ends
rather than means. (4) Any motivated behaviour, preparatory or consummatory,
should be regarded as means by which basic needs are expressed or satisfied.
(5) All organismic states should be understood as motivated and as motivating. (6)
Human needs are arranged in hierarchies of prepotency. That means the
appearance on one need usually presupposes the satisfaction of another more
prepotent need. (7) Classification of motivation must be based on goals instead
of drives. (8) motivation theory should be human-centred rather than
animal-centred. (9) Behaviour has to be explained both in terms of the organism
and the field in which it acts. (10) motivation is only one factor influencing
behaviour. Behaviour is also influenced by biological, cultural, and
situational factors.[55]
1.7.5.1.4Self-Actualization Theory
Human
needs, according to Maslow, arrange themselves in hierarchies of pre-potency.
In other words, the appearance of one need generally depends on the
satisfaction of another. They are closely related to each other and may be
arranged from the lowest to the highest development of the personality.
Maslow’s hierarchical structure of needs:[56]
|
An individual And his needs Compassionate love self transcendence Self- actualization Esteem Belonging love Safety Physiological |
It
seems that the effects of gratification of a need are more stimulating and
important than the effect of deprivation. The gratification of lower order
needs motivates an individual to strive for the higher order needs motivates an
individual to strive for the higher order needs. An individual, as Maslow
emphasized, can actualize his potentialities as a human being only after
meeting the higher-level needs like love and esteem. However, in the compliance
of the hierarchical order there may be exceptions. One may be more attracted or
motivated to the satisfaction of one need at the cost of another and therefore
a person can reach the top without caring for the satisfaction of lower order
needs. But one thing is very clear that the need of self-actualization dominates
and rules all the other lower levels of needs. It seems to be the supreme aim
of human life and thus works as a master motive for motivating the human
behaviour. In the words of Maslow “A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must
write, if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be, he
must be. He must be true to his own nature. This need we may call
self-actualization.”[57]
Maslow’s
vision is reflected in our lives and society. He contributed immeasurably to a
new view of a human nature totally ground in compassionate love and was founder
of two branches of contemporary psychology, the humanistic and the
transpersonal. His speculations and theories touch our personal and social
lives in so many ways to lead compassionate life. Maslow’s love for life and
his unending and belief in the positive nature of human species grew as he
devoted his life to holistic understanding of human nature.[58]
1.7.5.2 Carl Rogers(1902-1987)
Here I
make an attempt to look at Rogerian psychology from a psycho-spiritual
perspective which lays foundation for compassionate love. In order to do so we
shall first lay the groundwork by noting some important aspects in Carl Rogers’
life. Then we shall explain his theory of personality and his therapeutic
approach in some detail. Next, we shall sum up Rogerian psychology from a
psycho-spiritual perspective.
1.7.5.2.1 Biographical
Details[59]
Carl
Rogers was one of the most important humanistic thinkers, influential
psychologists[60] and
peace activists[61] of the
20th century. He was born the fourth of six children on January 8,
1902 in Illinois, Chicago. His father was a successful civil engineer and his
mother was a housewife and devout Pentecostal Christian. Two life changing
events happened in Rogers life. Firstly, in the year 1922 he along with nine
others were selected to go to Beijing for the “World Student Christian
Federation Conference” for six months. This new experience so broadened his
thinking that he began to doubt some his basic religious views.[62] The
second life changing event happened in 1925 when Rogers as a second-year
seminary student attended a student body organized seminar titled “why am I
entering the ministry?” He thought it would be a horrible thing to have to
profess a set of beliefs, in order to remain in one’s profession. He wanted to
find a field in which he could be sure his freedom of thought would not be
limited.[63]
1.7.5.2.2 Rogers’ Theory of Personality[64]
Rogerian psychology is a
well-thought-out broad application developed out of his many years of clinical
experience. His theory of therapy, personality and interpersonal relationships[65] as
developed in the client-centred framework are based on compassionate love. His
entire theory is built on a single ‘forward moving forces of life’[66]which
he calls the ‘actualizing tendency.’[67] It is this actualizing
tendency leads one to cultivate compassionate love to develop its potentials to
the fullest extent possible.
1.7.5.2.3 Development of Self-Concept[68]
According to Rogers,
among the many things that human beings instinctively value is positive regard
(a Rogerian umbrella term for things like love, affection, attention,
compassion et al) which produces positive self-regard (namely,
self-esteem, self-worth, a positive self-image). We achieve positive
self-regard by experiencing the positive regard others shows us over our years
of growing up. To the extent we receive this positive regard from others, to
that extent we are able to actualize our potentialities. This positive regard
generates from a compassionate love. Rogers says that our need for positive
regard is inbuilt, so compassionate love is inbuilt in us.
1.7.5.2.3.1 Incongruity
According to Roger, on
the one hand there is a positive self-regard and on the other hand there is a
conditional self-regard (we begin to like ourselves only if we meet other’s
standards). This gap between the real self and the ideal self[69], the
“I am” and “I should be” is what Rogers called, incongruity. The greater the
gap, the more the incongruity; the more the incongruity, the greater the
psychopathology. Conditions put on them by those around force them to forgo
their genuine, authentic lives to meet with the approval of others. Rogers
suggested that the incongruent individual, to function fully they need to open
to positive self-regard which is basis for compassionate love.
1.7.5.2.3.2 Psychopathology
When we are in a situation where there is an incongruity
between our ideal self (image of self) and our real self (immediate experience
of self), we experience a threatening situation. When we encounter such a
situation, we start feeling anxious about it. As avoiding stressful situations
may not be an option all the time, we instead try to run away psychologically,
by using defence mechanisms. In Rogerian psychology there are only two
defences: denial and perceptual distortion. Denial means blocking out the
threatening situation altogether. Perceptual distortion is reinterpreting the
situation. This reinterpreting perception is possible with a person who is
growing in compassionate love.
What should happen
Self-actualization + Organismic valuing + Unconditional positive regard
(compassionate love) = Unconditional positive self-regard → Real Self
But what actually happens
Society lays ‘Conditions
of worth’ + Conditional positive regard = Conditional positive self-regard →
Ideal self
1.7.5.2.3.3 Rogerian Therapy[70]
Non-directive
psychotherapy, also called client-centred therapy, persons-centred therapy, or
Rogerian therapy,[71] is “an
approach to the that aims primarily to foster the person’s general personality
growth[72] by
helping him gain insight into his feelings and behaviour. The function of the
therapist is to extend consistent, warm compassionate ‘unconditional positive
regard’’ towards the client.
According
to Rogers, the whole purpose of therapy is to enable a person to move towards
self-actualization. He came to the conclusion that “it is the quality of the
interpersonal encounter with the client which is the most significant element
in determining effectiveness”[73] and to build this kind
of interpersonal relationship, a therapist must have three very special
qualities which are ‘necessary and sufficient.’
1.
Unconditional positive regard: Rogers defines unconditional positive regard as
non-possessive, caring, or acceptance of the client’s individuality, belief in
the client’s self-discovery of personal resources, and the therapist’s trust in
the actualization process.[74] This
non-evaluator approach is hence also known as unconditional acceptance is
compassionate love.
2.
Congruence: It is the therapist’s genuineness, realness, or transparency to see
the best in the person is in relationship. Rogers says, “In my relationships with
persons I have found that it does not help, in the long run, to act as though I
were something that I were not.”[75]
3.
Empathy: the therapist’s ability to listen actively, with sensitivity and
understanding not only to the content, but also to the feelings of the client,
to immerse themselves in this feeling is core of compassionate love. In
conclusion we can say that, according to Rogerian psychology, the three
qualities of the therapist are the basic impetus for client’s growth towards
becoming a “fully functional person.” This is the dawn of compassionate love.
UPR + Congruence + Empathy+ Reflection → FFP
1.7.5.2.4 A Psycho-Spiritual Perspective
Having seen what is
Rogerian Humanist psychology as he developed, presented, and propagated it, now
we need to sum it up from a psycho-spiritual perspective. Here we come face to
face with three major questions. Firstly, did ever explicitly say anything about
the spiritual fact of human beings? The answer to this is in negative, as after
he left the seminary training midstream saying that I could not work in a field
where I would be required to believe in some specified religious doctrine. It
seemed to me it would be a horrible thing to have to profess a set of beliefs,
in order to remain in one’s profession. Rogers never again spoke in this
dimension of a person.
Secondly, if not explicit, is there at least any implicit
understanding of the ‘spiritual’? The answer to it is a probable ‘yes’, as his
entire theory is built on a single ‘forward moving forces of life’. What we
call “the life-force stemming from God”,[76]could be Rogers’
‘actualizing tendency’[77]; if
not as the source, as least as the result.
Thirdly, did Rogers ever try to discourage or hinder
anyone from following their ‘spiritual’ pursuit? No, for two reason. One, his
focus was on encouraging individuals to develop their potentialities and to
build up relationship among people by giving them unconditional positive
regard, being genuine with them. Secondly, even if he wanted to, he couldn’t;
for his ‘non-directive’ approach and his ‘reflective technique wouldn’t permit
him to suggest, lead, or guide.
1.7.5.3 Rollo May (1909-1994)[78]
Rollo May
was born April 21, 1909, in Ada, Ohio. His childhood was not particularly
pleasant. His parents didn’t get along and eventually divorced, and his sister
had a psychotic breakdown. He is an existential psychologist and author of the
influential book Love and Will. He is often associated with humanistic
psychology. It is Maslow who provided a good base for May’s studies. Paul
Tillich, the existentialist theologian, who would have a profound effect on his
thinking. May develops further into the awareness of the serious dimensions of
a human’s life than Maslow did. He differs from other humanistic psychologists
in showing a sharper awareness of the tragic dimensions of human existence.
1.7.5.3.1 Rollo May’s Theory
Much of his thinking can be understood by reading about
existentialism in general, and the overlap between his ideas and the ideas of
Ludwig Binswanger[79]
is great. Nevertheless, he is a little off of the mainstream in that he was
more influenced by American humanism. May uses some traditional existential
terms slightly than others, and invents new words for some of existentialism’s
old ideas. Destiny, for example, is roughly the same as thrownness combined
with fallenness. It is that part of our lives that is determined for us, our
raw materials, if you like, for the project of creating our lives. Another
example is the word courage, which he uses ore often than the traditional term
authenticity to mean facing one’s anxiety and rising above it.[80]
Psychology
was the supreme calling for May. Rollo May’s academic interests led him
“indirectly to psychology. Rollo May sought to link the clinical experience of
psychology to the everyday affairs of human society. For May, the human being
is an organized bundle of potentialities. He says, “Life to me, is not a requirement to live out a preordained pattern of
goodness, but a challenge coming down through the centuries out of the fact
that each of us can throw the lever toward good or toward evil.” These potentialities are controlled by the diatonic power[81]
which is the source of all constructively and destructive urges. If the diatonic power is integrated into the personality,
it leads to a creative life. Rollo May claims that man is basically good, yet
evil desires can overpower him. May invited humanistic psychology to
confront the issues of good and evil in ourselves, our society, and our world.[82]
He argued
that human nature can only be understood by focusing on the individual's
subjective experience. He felt that anxiety was
the key to selfhood, since it sets us in search of ourselves. He emphasized the
central role of freedom, choice and responsibility in human existence, and
proposed that the authentic self was only experienced when we assert ourselves
- take a stand against what we find unacceptable. May propose that the
evil in our culture is the reflection of evil in ourselves, as well as vice
versa. The individual's autonomy is achieved not by avoiding evil, but by
directly confronting it. He also claimed that each person is free to choose his
values and goals, and choosing wisely is how a person moves towards
integration. For May, the level of
maturity in a person depends on how he lives with his self-chosen goals.[83]
1.7.5.3.2 Stages of Development
Unlike
Humanistic psychologist May defined certain stages of development. They signify
a sequence of major issues in each individual’s life. Let us explore some of
the stages May’s development. 1. Innocence – the pre-egoic, pre-self-conscious
stages of the infant: An innocent is only doing what he or she must do.
However, an innocent does have a degree of will in the sense of a drive to
fulfil needs. 2. Rebellion – the rebellious person wants freedom, but does not
yet have a good understanding of the responsibility that goes with it. 3.
Ordinary – the normal adult ego learned responsibility, but finds it too
demanding, so seeks refuge in conformity and traditional values. 4. Creative –
the authentic adult, the existential stage, self-actualizing and transcending
simple egocentrism. Among the four stages of development, creative is very
essential for compassion and love to take birth. It leads us to his theory of
love and will. Let us explore.
1.7.5.3.3 Love and Will
Many of May’s unique ideas can be found in the book
considered to his best, Love and Will. In his efforts at reconciling
Freud and the existentialists, he turns his attention to motivation. His basic
motivational construct is the daimonic. The daimonic is the entire system of
motives, different for each individual. It is composed of a collection of
specific motives called daimons.
The
word daimon is from Greek, and means little god. it comes to us as demon, with
a very negative connotation. But originally, a daimon could be bad or good.
Daimons include lower needs, such as food and sex, as well s higher needs, such
as love. Basically, he says, a daimon is anything that can take over the
person, a situation he refers to as daimonic possession. It is then, when the
balance among daimons is disrupted, that they should be considered evil as the
phrase implies.
For
May, one of the most important daimons is eros. Eros is love (not sex), and in
Greek mythology was a minor god pictured as young man. Later, Eros would be
transformed into that annoying little pest, Cupid. May understood love as the
need we have to become one with another.
Another
important concept for May is will. The ability to organize oneself in order to
achieve one’s goals. This make will roughly synonymous with ego and
reality-testing, but with its own store of energy, as in ego psychology. I
suspect he got the notion from Otto Rank, who uses will in the same way. May
hints that will, too, is a daimon that can potentially take over the person.
Another definition of
will is “the ability to make wishes come true.” Wishes are “playful imaginings
of possibilities,” and are manifestations of our daimon. Hence, we can see
three personality types coming out of our relative supply, you might say, of
our wishes for love and the will to realize them. Firstly, he refers to as
‘neo-Puritan’who is all will, but no love. Secondly, he refers to as
‘infantile.’ They are all wishes but no will. Thirdly, it is ‘creative’ type.
May recommends, wisely, that we should cultivate a balance of these two aspects
of our personalities. He said Man’s task is to unite love and will.
1.7.5.3.4 Myths
May’s last book was The Cry for Myth. He pointed out
that a big problem in the twentieth century was our loss of values. All the
different values around us lead us to doubt all values. May says we have to
create our own values, each of us individually. This, of course, is difficult
to say the least. So, we need help, not forced on us, but offered up for us to
use as we will.
1.7.6Relevance of Compassionate Love in Humanistic psychology
Humanistic psychology is a dynamic,
ever-growing movement. Humanistic psychologists of various persuasions are
perpetually seeking to expand the horizons of humanistic psychology and develop
an increasingly nuanced, comprehensive conception of human personality. After
having seen three prominent humanist psychologists in detail, there is an
element of compassionate love in all their theories. This can become a paradigm
to practice compassionate love in our context too. I would strongly recommend
the relevance of compassionate love in humanistic psychology to this day. Now a
few reflections on the relevance of compassionate love would be fitting in the
context.
1.7.6.1An act of Compassionate Love can change a person’s life forever
Compassionate Love is the willingness to give. It’s
the desire to donate your talents, abilities and, most importantly, your time.
It is the commitment to place someone else’s needs above your own. Some
mistakenly believe that compassion must always involve great personal
sacrifice, but that is not true. The reward you receive from sharing your
compassionate love is far more significant than anything you might give up in
the process. To make a real difference in another human being’s life is a
richly satisfying feeling. Unfortunately, it is far too easy to stand on the
side-lines in life and wait for “other” do the right thing. It takes character
and integrity to be the one who is willing to step up and make a difference. To
feel sympathy for someone is not enough. We must also be willing to take
action. That is why compassion requires courage. Together they are one of the
most dynamic combinations in the world.[84]
1.7.6.2Compassionate Love is the Bond that Unites all of Humanity
Compassionate Love embraces the noblest
characteristics of human beings. It allows us to think of others instead of
always focusing on ourselves. It refuses to be selfish; it is willing to forgive,
and it accepts people for who they are and gives us the ability to understand
someone else’s situation and the desire to take action to improve their lives.
It is the quality that allows us to step outside of ourselves and see the
circumstances of others. It supplies the will power to do what is necessary to
make the world a more caring place. Compassion inspires us to make an immediate
and effective effort to come to the assistance of those who are dealing with
challenges.[85]
Compassion is particularly important
to those who are vulnerable. For people who are dependent on others
for help and support, compassion is often the most important factor in allowing
them to lead fulfilling lives. Therefore, we have a moral imperative to treat
them as equals and to ensure that they enjoy the same rights as other members
of society. They should never be marginalized or subjected to isolation. For
those individuals, compassion provides respect while preserving their dignity.
1.7.6.3 Compassionate Love re-creates the Broken
When we love someone in pain compassionately,
the experience in the sufferer as being loved, understood and valued is capable
of healing empowering to walk once again the path of wholeness. Compassionate
Love is capable of loving seemingly unlovable by entering into the brokenness
of the people re-creates all that is gloomy and stony, all that is damaged and
deformed in them.[86] Because it recognizes the
urgency for assistance when someone is in need, compassion motivates us to get
involved. We can’t help but reach out to those who are facing difficult
situations when we are filled with compassion. It makes us sensitive to what
other people are going through. It makes us care at such a profound level that
we are filled with the overwhelming desire to make a difference. It is the
desire to make the human experience better not only for ourselves but also for
everyone else. And because nothing can have a faster impact in life, the
positive effects of compassion are multiplied when the person who receives it
shares the benefits with others.[87]
1.7.6.4Compassionate Love does not look for Reward
“Compassionate People who help and serve
others in need do not look for rewards. The joy of those who receive their
compassionate service is itself their reward.”[88] It is never too late for
us to make a positive difference in the world. We simply start by thinking of
others first. We consider their needs instead of focusing exclusively on what
we want. We try to realize that our problems are often insignificant compared
to what others face. We can each begin, right now, to enjoy a life based on
compassion that will lead us on a fulfilling journey. We will experience a deep
sense of joy in our efforts to improve lives. We will quickly understand how
rewarding life can be when we sincerely make the effort to bring hope and
opportunity to those facing challenges. We can learn to feel good about
ourselves for attempting to be part of the solution. We can embrace a cause
that is bigger than our small personal world. If we will begin to fill our
lives with compassion, we will develop an increasing awareness of the
courageous struggles waged daily by our fellow human beings.[89]
1.8 The Means of expressing Compassionate Love
Compassion
can be expressed in three different ways.
·
In the first instance,
we can experience compassion being directed to us from other people, and we can
become aware of the degree to which we are open to receiving other people’s
compassion. Quite often our minds are focused on averting threats, and we can find
ourselves turning out other people’s kindness or just taking it for granted. In
a similar way, our mind has a way of turning out of everyday acts of kindness
and friendliness.
·
Imagine what would
happen if you made a deliberate effort to balance your attention and bring to
mind again the smiling faces and the happiness of the people who were able to
help you buy a good present. Imagine what would happen in your body and your
feelings if you did that regularly rather than just let your threat system run the
show. Second, we can feel compassion for other people when we open up to their
suffering, wish them well, and take joy in them being happy and flourishing.
These are feelings that emerge within us and are directed outward.
·
Third, there is the
compassion that we can feel for ourselves. It comes when we have a heartfelt
wish for ourselves not only to deal with tricky brains and life stories, but
also to experience happiness and connectedness. In each case the “inner circle”
attributes of compassion are important. We focus on the feelings in our body
when we fill our minds with compassionate feelings for other people. Life is
often very difficult, and learning how to generate self-compassion can be very
helpful particularly in helping us deal with our difficult emotions.[90]
Compassion is the most powerful
force in the world. It can defeat indifference, intolerance and injustice. It
is able to replace judgement with acceptance because it makes no distinction
between age, ethnicity, gender or disability. It freely embraces the rich
diversity of humanity by treating everyone as equals. It benefits both those
who receive it and those who share it. Every person on earth desires it, and
every human being deserves it. It is an absolute fact that our society cannot
function without compassion. It’s fundamental part of our communities, and it
is necessary to ensure that all those in need received the supports and
services they require. Compassion drives society to be inclusive and to allow
all of its members to be fully engaged in life. It is what compels human beings
to care about each other and to help each other.[91]
CONCLUSION
The first chapter begins to explain in detail about General
understanding and description of Compassionate Love with its terminology and
meanings. Our nation and our world today are faced with problems that appear
insurmountable. Everyone has certain emotional needs in life. Keeping this in
mind there is an elaborate explanation given about the basic elements that are
essential for compassionate Love. The influence of humanism provided a
background philosophy for the development of psychology. The psychological
perspective on compassionate love from the humanistic thinkers is described in
this chapter. According to humanistic psychology, human nature is seen as intrinsically
good and seeking self-actualization. Humanistic psychology is a perspective that emphasizes looking at the
whole individual and stresses concepts such as free will, self-efficacy, and self-actualization. Rather than
concentrating on dysfunction, humanistic psychology strives to help people fulfil
their potential and maximize their well-being.
Although many psychologists speak about humanism, here I
have stressed only upon the major thinkers of Humanism, they are A.H. Maslow,
Carl Roger and Rollo May. Maslow claimed that the prime goal of psychotherapy
is the integration of the self. He proposed the study of self-actualization as
the essential drive in human motivation. He agreed with Rogers that
self-actualization is a process of becoming. Rogers said that each person is
innately good and when given the proper environment and opportunities for growth,
a move towards self-actualization will take place. Rollo May insisted on the
integration of human powers in order to bring creativity into one’s life.
These understanding of human person from the psychological
point of view helps to know oneself more and thus able to reach out others in
need through Compassionate Love. Nothing seems to assure me of a bright
tomorrow. Rich or poor, sick or healthy, wise or ignorant, active or lazy, old
or young, all are affected by a tiny invisible Virus named COVID 19, scaring
everyone to the core, daring not to step out for the fear of inhaling the
unfriendly deadly Virus. Everyone is gripped with unpleasant feelings of
welcoming the unwanted guest into our homes. I think of it as the worst plague,
causing the unheard havoc in every nook and corner of the world without
discriminating any class, creed, caste or community. However, I am well aware
that as usual the poor are affected the worst with minimum resources and
abandoned by those in authority to tend for themselves.
I recall the horrifying and heart-rending pictures of those
struggling in the hospitals, in the ICUs, the sick is carried on the shoulders
or on cycles because of lack of money and transport and finally reach their
destinations in moribund conditions. Families crowded in a room, caregivers
being infected, people losing their jobs and unable to provide for their
families, migrants dragging themselves towards unreachable destination. People
are afraid to meet one another, live with one another. These are not very
pleasant situations to recall but however it is the reality confronted by those
in utter poverty. Little did it dawn on us that this invisible monster, COVID
19, would soon turn life upside down for everyone in the world. I am certain
that COVID 19 has taught us and the world deep lessons of the value of one
another, the vulnerability of humans and the need for God. The sudden
appearance of this virus drove the human family into an unprecedented need for
compassion and solidarity. Keeping all these realities before me, I proceed in
the following chapter the spiritual aspects of Compassionate Love from various
religions and traditions by stressing more on Bible.
[1]J.P. Pinto, Journey to Wholeness,
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[2] N. M. Butler, True and False Democracy, London, The Macmillan, 1907, p. 27.
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[7] G. Therukaattil, Compassionate
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[9] P. Gibert and Choden, Mindful Compassion, Oakland, New
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[10] Pope John Pual II,Evangelium Vitae, Encyclical Letter, no. 80.
[11]Evangelium Vitae, no. 88.
[12]Evangelium Vitae, no. 66.
[13]Evangelium Vitae, no. 77.
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M. Kostanski, The Power of Compassion: An Exploration of the Psychology of
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[16] Plato, Symposium, Trs. Alexander Nehamas & Paul Woodruff, Indianapolis and Cambridge, Hackett Publishing Company, 1989, p. xiii; in Symposium, the distinction and co-existence of eros and philia become obvious in Phaedrus’ discussion of the example of Alcestis who alone was willing to die in her husband’s place: “Because of her love (eros), she went so far beyond her parents in family feeling (philia) that she made them look like outsiders.”
[17] Pope Benedict XVI, Encyclical Letter, Deus Caritas Est, no. 3, 25 December 2005,
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[19] E. Dreyer, “Love,” in The New Dictionary of Catholic Spirituality, ed., M. Downey, Bangalore, TPI, 2003, p. 614.
[20]S.G.
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[21] Underwood, Altruism and altruistic love, p. 5.
[22]L.G. Underwood, The Science of Compassionate Love: Theory, Research, and Applications, London, Blackwell, 2009, p. 4.
[23]S.G. Post, “Compassionate love,” Encyclopaedia of Bioethics, 3rd ed., New York, Macmillan, 2004, p. 487.
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[32] M. Ricard, Altrusim: The Power of Compassion to change yourself and the world, C. Mandell and S. Gardon, tran., London, Brown and Company, 1976, p. 23.
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[34]S.Sprecher and B.Fehr,
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[36]P.Gilbert and Choden, Mindful Compassion, p. 286.
[37]P.Gilbert and Choden, Mindful Compassion, p. 289.
[38] K. Neff, “Self-Compassion,” https://self-compassion.org/the-three-elements-of-self-compassion-2/, accessed 14 May 2020.
[39]M.Ricard, Altruism: The Power of Compassion to change yourself and the world, C.Mandell and S.Gardon, tran., p. 324.
[40]Therukaattil, Compassionate Love, p. 4.
[41]
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[42]Gibert
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[45]S.K. Mangal, General Psychology, New Delhi, Sterling, 2019, p. 30.
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[48]The Gale Encyclopaedia of Psychology, Vol. 1, Third Edition, ed., J. L. Longe, Cengage Learning, 2016, p. 547.
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[50]S.K. Mangal, General Psychology, p.30.
[51] A.H. Maslow, Motivation and Personality, 3rdedn., New York, Harper and Raw, 1970, p. 33.
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[57] A. Maslow, Motivation and Personality, New York, Harper & Row, 1954, p. 46.
[58] K. Stephen, “Abraham Maslow: Mind in Matter:
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[59] C. Rogers, on becoming a person, Boston, Houghton Mifflin and Company, 1961, pp. 3-27.
[60] The Carl Rogers Reader, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carl_Rogers/ accessed 31, 2020.
[61] C. Rogers, A Biography, http://www.nrogers.com/carrogers bio.html/ accessed 31, 2020.
[62] Roger says, “I was forced to stretch my thinking, to realize that sincere and honest people could believe in divergent religious doctrines. In major ways I for the first time emancipated myself from the religious thinking of my parents, and realized that I could not go along with them… I became an independent person…away from the influence of home.
[63] C. Rogers, on becoming a person, p. 8.
[64] C. Rogers, Client Centred Therapy, Boston, Houghton Mifflin, 1965, pp. 481-534.
[65] This was the order in which Rogers’ thinking developed. It was out his theory of therapy that the theory of personality evolved, and then came his theory of interpersonal relationships.
[66] C. Rogers, Client Centred Therapy, p. 195.
[67] C. Rogers, Client Centred Therapy, pp. 487-91.
[68] C. Rogers, Client Centred Therapy, pp. 483-524.
[69] By ‘ideal,’ Rogers is suggesting something not real, something that is always out of our reach, the standard we can’t meet.
[70] C. Rogers, on becoming a person, p. 8.
[71] Rogers originally called his therapy as non-directive, because he felt that the therapist should not lead the client, but rather be there for client while the client directs the progress of the therapy. As he became more experienced, he realized that, as “non-directive” as he was, he still influenced his client by his very “non-directiveness.” In other words, clients look to therapists for guidance, and will find it even when the therapist is trying not to guide. So, he changed the name to client-centred for the realized “that it is the client who knows what hurts, what directions to go, what problems are crucial, what experiences have been buried.” Rogers: On Becoming a Person, pp. 11-12. Still later he changed the name to person-centred therapy to give it a more relation flavour. Nowadays, most people just call it Rogerian therapy. One of the phrases that Rogers used to describe his therapy is ‘supportive, not reconstructive,’ and he used the analogy of teaching to ride a bicycle.
[72] J. Dewey, Freedom and Culture, New York, Capricorn, 1963, pp. 8-9.
[73] C. Rogers and B. Stevens, Person to Person: The Problem of Being Human: A New Trend in Psychology, Utah, Real People, 1967, p. 89.
[74] C. Rogers, A Way of Being, Boston, Houghton Mifflin, 1980, p. 116.
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[78]http://mythosandlogos.com/May.html, accessed 18, 2020.
[79] Ludwig Binswanger is a Swiss psychiatrist and writer who applied the principle of existential phenomenology. His thinking influenced Rollo May in his field of studies.
[80]https://webspace.ship.edu/cgboer/may.html accessed 18 Nov. 2020.
[81]
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which has the power of taking over the whole person. Sex and eros, anger and
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[86]Pinto, Journey to Wholeness,
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[88]Pinto, Journey to Wholeness, p. 195.
[89]Michael
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